8 Green Flags When Choosing an Officiant
Updated: Jul 13, 2021
you have a lot of things to think about, i know. colors and themes, little glass bottles filled with flowers and whether you want your photos moody or true color. choosing the perfect officiant for your ceremony is one of those little details that might slip your mind until the last minute. but, it can be a process of a few more than a few days for a good officiant to write you the perfect ceremony script. and the right officiant can completely alter the flow and vibe of your ceremony. here are 8 Green Flags to look for when choosing an officiant.
One: cup'a coffee, glass'a wine
you feel comfortable with you officiant. you want to be able to relax and feel at ease at the altar. no one wants to feel awkward or judged when they're saying "i do". your wedding is an intimate experience. make sure you'd have a cup of coffee or glass of wine with the person who is helping you wed your best friend.
your officiant shares your faith. not tolerates it. not respects it. not has read about it or studied it. shares it. if your faith is a huge part of your relationship, it will also be a huge part of your marriage and your officiant should have a first hand experience with and deep connection to any faith based rituals they will help you with during your ceremony.
Three: Communication, Communication, Communication.
your officiant should openly communicate with you and encourage you to do the same. you should feel you know exactly what the officiant needs from you and what he/she is going to give you in return. no ghosting or awkward "so...how's it going" texts.
your officiant is going to do most of the talking at your ceremony. make sure they ask for and understand what wording you want (and want to avoid). if you have a strained relationship with your family and your officiant wants to reference family 50 times throughout your ceremony, you're going to feel sad and unheard. if you're fun and free spirited and want goofy jokes and inappropriate innuendos to keep the mood, don't settle for a by-the-book blob.
do you want to laugh? cry? a little bit o'both? long flowing, poetic words or clever, quirky, short quips? make sure your officiant matches your mood, your energy, and the over all vibe of your relationship.
Six: Is that even legal?
this might seem like a no brainer, but make sure your officiant can legally sign your license. you know, like, for the record...
Seven: Talk the talk
does your officiant have a pleasant and clear voice? no one is trying to be "that guy" but you, your honey and your guests 1000% do not want to listen to Janice Hosenstein drone on for an hour...trust me.
Eight: The nitty gritty
your officiant is a vendor, like your florist and your baker...but with a far more personal job. contracts might be simple but they should still be in place. payments might seem high (in which case, see #3) but if your officiant is doing their job correctly, you are paying for counsel and connection leading up to your wedding, a truly special, thoughtful and unique ceremony script and a ceremony so professionally presented you forget they are even there.
You can read my follow up post "How I Measure Up" here.
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